Monster
by LauraMalf0y
Summary: After the war Draco has a problem with self-harming when he returns to Hogwarts for his 8th year. Harry seems to be the only person able to connect with his issue.
1. Emergency

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of these glorious characters.

**Warnings:** Self-harm.

**Author's Note: **Hopefully this comes out better than I expected

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><p>I opened my eyes looking at the clock.<p>

"Four A.M.," I muttered to myself.

Ever since I came back to Hogwarts my sleeping schedule has been a bit off. I couldn't tell if it was stress from school-work or the fact that everyone seems to be a bit weary around me since the war ended. Whatever it is, I couldn't let it bother me. So I turned to my side and closed my eyes.

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><p>I woke up three hours later to Blaise shuffling around the dorm trying to find his scarf.<p>

"Draco, get your arse up. We're going to be late for Charms!" he yelled at me while throwing a pillow at my face.

"Sod off, Blaise," I mumbled into the pillow.

"Whatever you say. We're just going to leave without you," he said walking out the room.

Finally. Peace and quiet.

I turned to my side realizing that I was fully awake.

Great. I reluctantly got out of bed and proceeded to put on my suit.

I grabbed my Charms book and shoved it in my bag swinging it onto my shoulder as I walked out of my dorm. Only to then realize how late I really was. The Slytherin common room was completely empty and everyone was off to their classes.

I rushed out of there walking with a quick pace to Charms cursing at myself for being late for a third day in a row.

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><p>As I walked into Charms the awkward silence set in. Everyone, including Flitwick, turned their heads towards me while I took a seat next to Pansy.<p>

Professor Flitwick proceeded to turn back to the lesson while saying, "Ah, Mr. Malfoy, glad you could join us. And you will be joining me detention for the third time, I assume?"

"Yes, sir." I mumbled.

Of course Potter and the ginger were snickering into their hands at this.

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><p>The rest of the day was usual. Detention with Flitwick went by rather quicker than I expected.<p>

While walking to dinner a few Ravenclaw girls were glaring at me while whispering their death wishes for me to each other.

"Off to kill more people, Death Eater?" Questioned a tall Ravenclaw boy, approaching from behind the girls.

"Fuck off, Alec. I never killed anyone and you know that"

I tried my best to stay calm and decided it was best to leave before hexing him.

As i left he muttered something under his breath that I didn't have the pleasure of hearing.

When walking back I got a few more stares and slurs.

Skipping dinner tonight? I think so.

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><p>Running to the boys lavatory was all I could think of doing. It was empty thankfully. I walked to the furthest stall away from the doorway and locked myself in.<p>

Pulling out the sharp razor from my pocket, I slowly ran my finger over the non-sharpened side. I knew how bad my habit was. I knew it was completely wrong. But I couldn't help myself... I lowered it to my left wrist and snapped my eyes shut as I slid it quickly over the skin. The blood slowly dripped down my wrist as I smiled from the stinging pain. It wasn't deep, but it was just enough to draw some blood.

It's the only way to keep myself sane. I feel like it's my own way of punishing myself for my past decisions. I regret what I've done. I can't stand seeing this disgusting mark of a monster on my arm. All happiness was drained from me the day I became that monster.

I can't stand the way others look at me in the corridors or in the dining hall. I know they all want me dead. Even some in my own house. All I know is that if these cuts get deeper, they just might get their wish.

The only person I trust with my secret is Pansy. She's my best friend and the only person that I feel like i wouldn't get judgment from it. Though she can't relate in any way and still brings up the questions of why I do it. I don't think anyone would ever understand.

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><p>I walked out of the stall as the regret of what I did started to sink in. I slipped the shiny metal back into my pocket and walked over to the sink. I stared into the mirror as the reflection of the person I most despise stared back. Myself.<p>

I tried to fight back the tears as faint footsteps approached behind me. I turned quickly to leave and stopped dead in my tracks to find Potter staring at me from the doorway.

"S-Sorry. I'll just go to a different..." his voice trailed off into a mumble.

"No need. Just leaving."

I then realized the tears were already dripping down my cheeks. I rushed past him looking down, hoping that he wouldn't see me at my weakest.

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><p><strong>And end of first chapter! Hopefully it was alright. Gah! xx<strong>


	2. Turn It Off

**Author's Note:** I'm so sorry for this very late update! In all honesty, I've just been really lazy. This will not happen again I promise xx

**Disclaimer and Warnings:** Same as before

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><p><em>I wanna know what it'd be like<em>

_To find perfection in my pride_

_To see nothing in the light_

_But turn it off in all my spite,_

_In all my spite, I'll turn it off,_

_Just turn it off_

"_Malfoy! Malfoy, wait!"_

_I could hear his voice getting closer to me which made me walk faster towards the dungeons. Why was Potter even wanting to come after me? I could still hear him calling for me._

_Once I was inside the Slytherin common room, I rested my back against the door. Finally away from that git._

"_Draco…Love," The same voice coming from behind the door._

_What, he's still trying? Wait. He didn't call me 'Malfoy'… Wait a second, 'love'?_

"_Draco, wake up," Potter's voice turned shrill and feminine._

I jerked up to find Pansy standing above me.

"I come back early from dinner and you're asleep on the couch. Are you alright, dear?"

I only nodded. It was only a few hours ago that Potter had walked in on—found me in a fragile state. My subconscious kindly reminded me of that. All I wanted to do was forget it.

"Draco, you're not alright. I've known you since we were kids, I can tell when you're lying,"

"I don't want to talk about it," I told her, getting up from the couch.

I went to move past her so I could head to my dorm and drop the conversation. Before I could, I was stopped by a slight pressure and stinging pain in my forearm. It was hard to keep from wincing and when I looked down, I realized that Pansy latched onto my arm to stop me from leaving.

Her eyes widened and she quickly let go. "Draco please tell me you didn't," Her voice cracking slightly over my name.

Before I could give a proper answer, a group of fifth years, followed by Blaise and Theo, walked into the common room. It was finally safe for me to leave this conversation.

xXxXx

Thank Salazar, there were no classes today. I don't think I would have even bothered to leave the common room if there were any. My pride needed time to recover and luckily everyone's either studying or at down at Hogsmeade right now.

"So are you going to tell me what's wrong or not?" I heard Pansy calling from behind me.

"I really don't want to talk about it and you already know so why are you asking?"

"I'm asking because I want to know the reason for it this time," Her voice softened and she rested a hand on my shoulder.

"The reason is the same as always. You, Blaise and Theo seem to be my only friends and everyone else is out to get me. Not to mention Scarhead decided to walk into the restrooms at the wrong time," I quickly regretted my last sentence.

"No one is out to get you," She sighed, "Wait, Potter walked in on you doing...you know,"

"Yes, Pans, he walked in on me cutting," She removed her hand from my shoulder from my last word. It was strange how one word made her so uncomfortable.

"Yes, that… Well what happened?"

"I ran out. Like any other coward would," I responded.

"Draco, you're not a coward. You're just in a rough spot."

I shifted slightly and took a deep breath. "Pansy, why do you hate that word?"

"What word?" She questioned, looking up slightly.

"Cutting"

I watched as she bit her bottom lip before speaking again. "I don't hate the word. I just don't like the idea of you hurting yourself, Draco. We've known each other since we were younger, you're practically my brother. The thought of you even hurting yourself scares me"

I wasn't expecting that sort-of response, in fact I don't even know what I was expecting. I couldn't find any kind of response, so I stayed quiet.

The silence had become quite awkward until Pansy spoke again.

"What are you going to do about Potter?"

I buried my face into my palms and groaned. "I'm not even sure. Knowing the git, he probably told all of his Gryffindor buddies. Probably thinks it would be a great story," I mumbled.

"He may be a git, but I'm sure that isn't true. He's a Gryffindor. Aren't they supposed to be loyal?" She laughed lightly and smirked.

"I don't see how you can joke about this,"

She put her hand back onto my shoulder and rubbed it slightly. "I'm sorry, love. But like I said, I'm sure it wouldn't happen,"

"If you say so,"

xXxXx

After Pansy and I finished our conversation, I felt the need to get out of the common room. I have no clue why, but I needed some fresh air. Yes, that will help. Fresh air and a nice walk.

I planned on walking outside, but I found myself wandering the corridors and I still can't seem to figure out why. I don't know what I'm even looking for. All I know is that I have the urge to find something.

Down at the end of the hall, I saw black mop of hair turn to another hallway.

Then it clicked.

I needed to know why Potter was chasing after me yesterday.

"Potter," I mumbled to myself and quickly sped-up my steps in his direction.


	3. When It Rains

**Author's Note: So, this chapter's a bit short, but I thought it would be best to post it instead of having you guys wait longer for a long chapter. Enjoy! x**

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><p><em>And when it rains,<em>_  
><em>_You always find an escape__  
><em>_Just running away,__  
><em>_From all of the ones who love you,__  
><em>_From everything._

I sped-up my pace and followed him down the hallway. This was definitely a horrible idea.

"Potter!" my voice echoed down the hall.

He took a sharp breath and turned around quickly. His eyes widened, at least I caught him off-guard.

"Don't you have something better to do then stalk me?"

"Stalk _you_? I'm pretty sure you were the one chasing after me yesterday"

"Wipe the smirk off your face, Malfoy. At least I don't cry like a girl"

He opened his mouth to say something else, but quickly shut it. It was low. Even for Potter. I should've hexed the git for it but I needed to know why he followed me yesterday.

"Well if you don't care about my well-being, then why were you following me yesterday?"

"Look, I know I shouldn't have said that"

"You call that an apology?"

"Apology? Why should I apologize for something so minor when you've tormented me for years?"

I sight and rolled my eyes, "Whatever, Potter. But back to my question. Why were you following me?"

He shifted his weight to his other foot and looked down at the floor. "You just seemed like you needed help," he said quietly.

I could feel my irritation growing. "I don't need your help. I'm not some charity case the _Golden Boy_ can fix"

His head shot up and his eyes fixed on me. "Don't call me that"

"My apologies, _Chosen One_" I could tell that I was getting on his nerves, and for some reason it made me smirk.

"I helped you stay out of Azkaban after the war because I thought you finally became civil. And not a single 'thank you'. I don't even see why I helped you or still try to. You're still a prick and you haven't changed, Malfoy."

"I never asked for your help. And trust me, I would much rather be in Azkaban then here"

"Then I'm sorry for speaking on your behalf and getting in the way between you and Dementors"

Again, I should hex him, or maybe even punch him and settle it without magic. But getting in a fight with the Harry Potter of all people is the last thing I want. I didn't need more glares or taunting and hurting everyone's precious Golden Boy would certainly give me just that.

"If you lived my life and weren't lucky to be the Savior of the Wizarding World, you would rather be with Dementors as well"

"You call being Harry Potter lucky? I had expectations to live up to and everyone wanted so much from me. Half the time I had no fucking clue what I was even doing," He paused as if waiting for me to respond. "I never had a choice. You, on the other hand, had plenty of opportunities to change your life. You always find an escape from those who try to help you."

He was right. I only had two choices, but nonetheless, I had choices. Death, or the Dark Mark. Those were my choices. I could've simply chose death a long time ago instead of having to constantly think about ways to achieve it every day.

"My choices were…limited," was the only response I could conjure.

"Dumbledore tried helping you. Your choices weren't _that_ limited"

"When you have the Dark Mark and have the fear that at any moment The Dark Lord could kill you, you would makes the same choices I made. Clearly, you can understand that since you were his number one victim"

"Well that's your problem. I'm done offering you help"

He turned to leave but stopped and turned back to me to say more.

"You know, as much as I hurts whatever pride you have left, it isn't always a bad idea to take help when it's offered. Just a thought"

He continued down the hallways and out of my sight.

Looks like I have my answer.

xXxXx


End file.
